My new startup

There's been a lot of speculation about what my new startup is doing, so I've decided to set the record straight and reveal all. We are working on one of the biggest problems on Earth, a problem that affects nearly every person on this planet. Our products will significantly improve the quality of life for billions of people.

We are going to revolutionize the bedsheet industry.

Think about it. There's been almost no innovation in bedsheets in thousands of years. There's nothing worse than waking up to discover one of the corners of your Egyptian cotton fitted sheets has slipped off the mattress. How is this not a solved problem yet? Why are we still using sheets with that annoying elastic in it to secure them to our mattresses? They slip all the time – and if you have a deep mattress, good luck finding sheets that even fit. You're just screwed.

Consider the impact of solving this problem, of a bedsheet product that never slips, that always stays secure on the mattress. This translates to better sleep, to less grogginess in the morning, to feeling more upbeat in the morning. This translates into less morning arguments between husbands and wives that spiral into divorces, child custody battles, and decades of trauma for the children.

Not only is this a big problem – it's a big opportunity. We've done extensive market research and discovered that our target market is the entire human population. At 7 billion people and an estimated average sale of $20 per sheet, this is at least a $140,000,000,000 opportunity.

We are going to solve this problem using modern, 21st century techniques and take bedsheets out of the Stone Age and into the future. We are going to make it possible to attach your sheets to your bed, completely solving the problem.

Solving this problem in a practical and cost-efficient way is not easy and will require significant engineering breakthroughs. If you're a world-class, rock star by day and ninja by night engineer who's as passionate about bedsheets as I am, please get in touch. I'd love to talk to you.

Bedsheets have been my true passion since I was a child. I'm excited to finally be focused on what I really care about, and I can't wait until the day when untucked sheets are a curious relic of the past.